Its 6 months since I married him. My new identity as a wife have brought me to a different level in my life. Not only being a wife to someone but I will be also soon becoming a mother to the little one. There are also some mixed feelings in between.
The sorrow moment is over, things changed and changes are made for better. I was.... (I think I better say) I am always a stubborn person, expect things to go according to my way, not exactly a perfectionist but expect everything in good and proper, not a good temper person, emotion swing sometimes.... There are a lot more from me. When we sit down criticizing about how bad about how others behaving, sit back and think, have we ever look back at our own self?
I learnt a lot from him and I understand we all must know both our strengths and weaknesses before we start talking about others. I take his words and I slowly learning stop criticizing and understand others by putting myself into their shoes.
All of us serves a purpose with a specific role in our life. Some are money contributor, some are love/attention provider, some care taker for family. We cant be asking one to contribute money, love and care all together, right? If you are earning a lot, definitely you are going to lose out your time with family. With that, you need someone to replace you as care taker to the old or little one. Or even, if you dont even give money or love, then dont complain since you are doing your part.
I believe people change over time when they go into different stages in life. When you are single, you dont go too far thinking or planing what you currently doing. The major difference is that, when I transformed from single to married; my mindset has changed. I was selfish over him, his time, his money, his everything has to be major contributed to me before anyone else. That was how i measure his love to me. Then again I never realized this is totally not right. We know each other for only 1 year and what is 12 months comparable to his 30 over years relationship with his family? I am far than no one if you would like to compare.
From here, I become more understanding when comes to his family matters. As an eldest son, there are a lot of things need to take care and he relies heavily on his younger sisters to take care of his parents in Penang. I stop bugging and asking why are they behaving like this and like that.... reason being they have always been like that in their life. So who am I to change their life?
He knows and understand my changes, as a wife I support him and try to reduce his stress/problem and most importantly to make him happy. I am thankful for what he have contributed to our family. I enjoy the bonding and attachment between us, which I never feel that before we get married. Thank you Uncle Tan, you know you are loved and I know I am having the same from you too. We are going to welcome the new member in just 4 weeks time, I hope I can cope up with my new mother role.
If you ask me, how do I feel now? Seriously I dont feel very excited, maybe I take it all neutral and go with the flow. Good luck :)
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